It's amazing how a single glance to the side of your computer can make you feel like total shit. I know my blogs so far are completely angst ridden but I despise your opinion and I really could care less. That's a little bitchy to say but the truth hurts. Especially when you're searching the web for entertainment because your boyfriend of two years tells you he's going to bed because he has work tomorrow and has to wake up early, and then you click over to yahoo and a golden yellow smiley face is next to his name in the chat bar announcing that he's online. Fuck the world. He could have just said he didn't feel like talking to me, I wouldn't have cared we talk all the time and It's understandable. Stop looking at my vulnerable spot surfer of said blogger...He should have told me something, lies weren't necessary. I get lied to constantly by the world I really don't need it from him. It's not very cool of him and he crushed the feel good mood that I was in with that stupid smiley face. I shouldn't care this much but my trust just plummeted and now I'm wondering what else he's lying about. Damn it. Maybe I'm being stupid. Maybe my computer is messing up and repeating things. As my heart sinks at the sight of that yellow smile I realize the truth..that I'm entering denial. Even worse. I'm rhyming while it's happening. Maybe we aren't meant to be and I'm just caught up in the moment whilst he's slowly growing less fond of how he feels about me :( For some reason typing all my doubts out helps. I don't know what it is. Ignore the giant white spot I needed some space. Humph. Bah humbug. I might talk to you later and I'm going to go ahead with my book, therefore when I'm famous for numerous reasons this blog will be full of comments so enjoy the commentless page.

Brace Yourself. My Teen Angst Is At Its High.

Its strange to think that every time you ponder a question that at least one other person in the world has pondered it too. It's even more strange to realize that if you wanted to know the conclusion obtained by their mind all you would have to do is molest a keyboard or two and pull up a couple thousand pixels and you have the answer right in front of your eyes. or perhaps what they think is the answer, because the world is extremely biased and simply cannot be trusted. I know nobody reads these things. It really doesn't matter. The world can go fuck itself for all I care. Its all about playing the game of its incredibly stupid social system, creating false ambition to abide by its rules. Simply preposterous I declare. I get the purpose of school and all that jazz, but is the social politics really a necessity? They shouldn't be. It's a waste of precious time that I'm being forced to run out of. I'm not saying I don't like my friends. I love my friends...my close friends anyway. If I trust anyone else I'll most likely get stabbed in the back. In the words of Metallica "you know it's sad but true." It's simply preposterous I declare.
I'm a poet, so of course I drink coffee all the time and hang out at poetry slams wearing black turtle necks and pencil neck skirts along with a beret firmly hair pinned to my red locks. I'm always ready to express when I leave my very modernized home and am NEVER seen without my square framed glasses. No I'm not that kind of poet. I despise these labels. They're unbelievably stupid and since people come armed with these weapons of mental destruction that explains why I'm pissed off all the time.
Its true when they say every one's a critic and also unbearable. People usually don't hate high school because of the learning, Its always something to do with the people. Its going to suck in the future when the government starts handing out pills that contain four years of public knowledge without the angst. Lucky bastards. I'll have the experience though. When all the 18 year old's are taking that pill and they ask me what it was like. I'll tell them. I'll describe the emotional pain inflicted by these people with low self esteem and nothing better to do in such a way that they will begin to feel a piece of what everyone feels at least once in their life. It sucks because I'm the weird kid. My best friend and I, theoretically twins separated at birth, are the two girls in class that everyone knows as the unpredictable and the unlabelables. I can't be labeled. Its impossible. Imagine a weird kid that has really, really, long, straight, deep, red hair. Green eyes, very little make up and super pale skin that dresses goth most of the time and wears dresses made in India the rest of the time. She usually has a headphone in one ear that you expect to hear Cradle of Filth whenever you place it inside your ear canal and when you do you might hear that, or you just might hear anywhere from Sergei Rachmaninoff, Little Richard, Fats Domino, Fergie, Brad Paisley, Lady GaGa to sublime, Mike Jones and Bob Marley. Imagine that girl loving to play chess, never leaving the theatre room and always involved in some kind of theatre production and is in all Advanced Placement classes and you've just imagined me. Good luck with all those post it notes label police. I suppose I'm a changeling. That makes since right?
>.<
I might write a book. I haven't decided yet. I role play all the time on gaia If you have no idea here's a link to urban dictionary.
Why must everything be so complex? It's so aggravating. I suppose I'll go and consult yahoo answers on whether to post the chapter a week thing. I grow bored of talking to you so farewell for now.
I'll get back on whether or not I'm going to attempt to accomplish a book that will plummet me into the next wave of authors that can be compared to J.K. Rowling. I'll have to challenge myself because I'm amazing at writing about vampire but if I did that then I'd be a conformist and well we can't have that no can we?

Its all Just a Lie.

So what happens when we all crash and burn?

when we push and push and yearn and yearn?
Or do we stop pushing like a child with a ball?
or jus push harder like a girl against a wall?
I hate children i truly do,
they scream and yell and make everything blue.
There's no point in breeding its a government scheme,
to strive and love and be something,
to lust and shake, only to create life
no aspect of consequence, no awareness of strife.
When nothing seems real, it all feels fake,
people pushing and stealing until there's nothing else to take.
When buttons are broken and wills are lost
the conspiracy had won, despite what it hath cost.
When minds are broken, as is pride
The soul once spoken has only just died.
and the voices are screaming 'its all just a lie'.